Oh Mascara, you devilish mistress. You would think that it would be easy to find a half decent mascara that doesn’t end up over half your face -Yes, MAC In extreme 3D Black Lash I’m looking at you, you perpetually wet horror. Or one that isn’t so dry that my eyelashes start crying from being repeatedly battered with a wand covered in dusty clumps (virtually every Maybelline I’ve ever tried). Why must you all torment me with the promise of lovely natural lashes and then turn out to be the equivalent of black tar in a tube?
I’m not in the market for ridiculously amped-up looking lashes any more -that ship sailed in my thirties when I caught sight of myself in a club loo when I thought I was channeling Jennifer Lopez -only to be confronted with the reality that was Margerita Pracatan after a heavy night. I don’t have enough lashes to use a super heavy formulation as they then form a unicorn horn on my eyelid, which is not a good look by anyone’s standards.
What I want from a mascara now I’m in my forties and my eyelashes are not as lush as once they were, is a formulation that is neither too wet or too dry, that has a regularly shaped wand that I can wiggle about to suit me, that is blacker than Papa Lazarou’s foundation and stays on until I’m ready to take it off. You wouldn’t think that could be so hard, right?
I don’t want to think what I have spent on mascaras in my life. Let’s just say it’s an inordinate amount and move on quickly. And yet I can count on the fingers of one hand the ones I have loved using over the years. Eyeko Skinny Brush should get a mention as particularly brilliant, and the only reason I don’t use it more is the need to get to a Space NK, Selfridges etc to buy it -and Mascara for me is very much an impulse “Ooo! One I haven’t tried!” type purchase when I’m in Boots or Superdrug, swiftly followed by “Oh my Christ I can’t possibly buy any more mascara” regret.
Enter Clarins Wonder Perfect Mascara.
If you’re like me,
a total snob needlessly prejudiced against certain brands for no other reason than you don’t like the packaging / had a bad experience with a sales assistant/ just don’t feel it’s aimed at you, then Clarins make up may well have passed you by.
If my mum hadn’t passed this onto me a couple of years ago because she “couldn’t get on with it” (Mum also has the same issues as me when it comes to the location of the HG mascara), I would never have bothered to try it, looking as it does like an unremarkable, overpriced mascara possibly aimed at women who think tinted lip gloss is a bit racy.
Reader: I married it.
I freaking LOVE this mascara. I’m on something like my 5th tube (although I still get sucked into the hype of other brands, like an unfaithful husband I always come back to Clarins with my tail between my legs and a hopeful expression).
It does everything I need a mascara to do. It’s not too wet, it’s not too dry. It’s black, but not so black that it looks like a portal to another reality. It stays on ALL DAY. You can build it up in several layers should you want to look like a
wanton hoor woman with voluminous lashes. A wiggle of this at the roots and my lashes are lifted and separated and make my eyes look perky and awake, which is, in all honesty, all I want from a mascara. And as I believe Vivien Leigh said in Gone With The Wind; “AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I WILL NEVER LOOK LIKE MARGARITA PRACATAN AGAIN!”
Clarins Wonder Perfect Mascara is available just about everywhere -£21.50 from Clarins but there are loads of deals online with a few quid off.
Disclaimer: Bought regularly with real money.